So you desperately want to get a new car and you see one in your price range and ask the salesman for the safety and reliability reports. The salesman looks at you and replies you just need to accept that some parts may make it unsafe, and that different parts of the engine, transmission, drive train might break down at any point.
Would you accept that response and buy the car?
You really need to find a way to look younger and you hear about a new pill. So you visit your doctor to find out about this new miracle pill. You ask the Doctor what’s in the drug and what did the studies show? The doctor looks at you kind of strangely and says – do you want to look younger? You respond, well sure, but I want to know the risks. The doctor replies that the manufacture won’t say what is in the pill, and they didn’t do any studies, but people look younger after they take it.
Would you accept that answer and take the pill?
The power company where you live wants to build a new plant to produce electricity from coal, and promises your electric bills will be much lower. The community including you, must vote to approve it. You ask them about the pollution impact as you live in a valley surrounded by high mountains and want to see the results from the environmental studies. The company responds that they don’t have a process set up to have those studies done, lots of cities are fueled by coal generated electricity and they don’t think it will be a problem – you just need to accept their word that all will be fine, and remember you will get cheaper electricity.
Would you accept the risk and blindly vote in favor of the project?
If you have any brains in your head you wouldn’t do any of the above, or any of the other scenarios you could come up with that carry risk without seeing studies, harm reduction programs in place, changes to the process, etc.
So when it comes to accepting the risk that you won’t know your CHILDS family health history, and have a way to receive updates, why would you accept what is currently the norm? Because they told you most do fine? And they know that how?
Why would you accept that it is acceptable for agencies to “work around” the fathers, instead of ensuring the father is part of the process?
Why would accept that they do not have any mandate to promote education to both parents about taking the time talking to their family, and ensuring a comprehensive history is provided and updated?
Why would you accept that the industry has not been mandated to facilitate a process for ensuring family health history is updated periodically and timely forwarded in both directions?
And finally, why would YOU accept that risk on behalf of your child, and your child’s future children?
Can someone please explain to me why that risk is acceptable and people just accept it and carry on? Do they not realize the actual risk? Do they not explore the ramifications? Do they not ask the tough questions and demand changes?
Sarah
January 19, 2012 at 4:00 am
Not that this is an excuse….
I think a lot of people just don’t realize the risk. Especially those of us who are relatively young and have relatively healthy families. Family health history is something I have always taken for granted…and my mother has a congenital defect. You’d think I would have understood the importance of family medical history, but it still never crossed my mind until I started hearing adoptee stories of how vital that info is.
The adopted ones
January 19, 2012 at 3:34 pm
Sarah – I do recognise they are in “baby” mode and their brains have shut off from reality of life. That’s not a put down – it just is that their desires have compromised their common sense. What I cannot understand though is the dismissal when it is pointed out to them both before and after. The casual acceptance that “we just have to live with the risk” after going to the doctors and being asked about family health history. Yes, they may have to live with the risk but they could at least stand up and talk about it…make a difference for tomorrow.
Fran Whelan
January 19, 2012 at 6:17 am
Wow! This is so current to me. My GP suspects I am Bipolar, I’m awaiting a full diagnosis, but I’ve been struggling with ups and downs almost all my life (52 years).
I am adopted. All I know about my first Mother is that she is on some sort of medication daily for the rest of her life. I know a little about my first Father, his first name, and the small village he lived in. Luckily for me, his name isn’t common. BUT 3 years after I was born, a man of the same name, same age, same locality was found dead – cause of death – carbon monoxide poisoning (a fairly common way of committing suicide in the early 60′s) IF he was also Bipolar, I could have been on the look out for symptoms so much earlier.
How can I find out if this man really was my first Father, or what medication my first Mother is taking and what impact it might have on me (or my children) – I can’t, because I am adopted, and that stinks!!!
The adopted ones
January 19, 2012 at 3:36 pm
Fran – great to hear from you – not so great to hear you have been struggling al this time. I do hope they can sort it out for you sooner rather than later. At least you are seeing positive actions happening. Bi-polar would be very challenging to live with if you had no support or hope. I am sorry you are dealing with this. Keep in touch.
cb
January 19, 2012 at 12:21 pm
Making sure it is updated is very important. At the time of my birth, my bmother probably had no idea of any health risks. The only medical “history” she mentioned was my uncle getting polio – not exactly relevant being an acquired disease. However, I now know there is a strong family history of heart disease and also diabetes. Funnily enough, I have a non-inherited yet congenital heart condition but my heart is otherwise in excellent shape and I doubt that I will suffer from the type of heart problems that the relatives have.
The adopted ones
January 19, 2012 at 3:37 pm
CB – I have missed you so much. You knowing your history NOW is to your benefit. Why oh why can’t people see reality?
Rebecca Hawkes
January 19, 2012 at 12:27 pm
I’m an adoptee and and adoptive mom. I recently found out some important medical information about my daughter’s first mother. I learned this information because we have a very open adoption and have regular conversations about all kinds of issues. This information wasn’t the kind of thing you might think to write on a health form, but it came up in conversation and I’m really glad I know!
The adopted ones
January 19, 2012 at 3:39 pm
Rebecca – true openess like your’s does mitigate the risk and of course is good for you guys. I am seeing more and more closed or closing adoptions though and that saddens me no end.
Rebecca Hawkes
January 19, 2012 at 5:56 pm
Yeah, breaks my heart … especially now that there is so much available info on the negatives of closed adoptions!
usisarah
January 19, 2012 at 7:13 pm
Actually what I was talking about is that I think people who are not adopted take their own family health history for granted their whole lives…at least I did. So when we were in the process of adopting, it did not cross my mind to make the baby’s family health history a priority…after all, I had never used my own family health history.
But yes, being in baby mode does lend itself to not dotting all the i’s and crossing all the t’s sometimes.
And I don’t think there’s an excuse for ignoring the issue when it’s brought up.
Fran Whelan
January 19, 2012 at 7:18 pm
I am hugely into animal welfare, particularly ‘pet’ animals. A good dog breeder will make sure all the animals they breed come from the best stock. It’s almost universally accepted that if you are looking for a puppy, this is where you should go – the health of the parents is paramount. Those who don’t know any better will be happy to buy from ‘Puppy farms’ where health is less important than keeping costs down.
And yet people who are adopting can be so blinkered they take a human into their lives to love and care for and support for the rest of their lives, without even thinking about asking those questions……..