Real parents…

The term adoptive parents shy from for some reason.  Yes, I know the reason…

They dread the day their child tells them they aren’t their real parents.  I doubt any adoptive parent has escaped hearing these words at some point in time, or any adoptee has not done this to their parents they just don’t always remember.  Just assume it is going to happen and celebrate if it happens when your little one is young, it means they are getting it, learning is good right?  If it happens when they are teenagers, well, they are teenagers, enough said.

Adoptees have 4 real parents (assuming the AP home is two-parent home for ease of writing).  In order to comprehend, we have to make it real to us.  We have 2 parents who aren’t raising us and we have 2 parents who are.  Actually I think it should be taken as a compliment that you have done things right.  YOU told them young enough that they needed time to get to the point of making it make sense in their head so it was gradual acceptance, PLUS, they are open to telling you where they are with the whole adoption thing, that means a lot.  Even if they say it when they are mad, especially when they say it mad, they trust YOU.  So therefore YOU are real to them too.

So if both sets of parents are now real do you need a qualifier for one set?  Think about it.  If you are called mom, mommy, mama, and you say “do you want to go see your mother this weekend” or “do you think about your mother sometimes” – don’t you think if they have got the real part down they won’t be confused - so doesn’t that mean they don’t need a qualifier anymore?  Because you are all real now?  Mom, dad, mother, father…each a real person, each an important person, each unique and not confusing?

And if you stop and think about the real reason you don’t like the term natural mother because of the opposite terms, stop and think about the opposite term for birth mother…that has to be enough to get you to drop the qualifier…