Monthly Archives: July 2010
“I will not even dignify your comments with an answer. You are very obviously an angry person and no matter what I would say, you would twist it around.”
Commented by an adoptive parent about an adoptee’s words spoken from the heart…I see these comments in one form or the other countering any statement that might deny all is always wonderful and misguided actions or words may have caused pain inside. Perhaps you need to look deeper beneath the surface to see that while there is obvious love and happiness within your family there may be feelings deep inside, words your child may never voice even if they could find the words or had a voice at all, to you their mom or dad.
Why, why do some adoptive parents feel the need to dismiss the words spoken by adoptees? Do you fear your children ‘may’ feel or come to feel many of the same thoughts and feelings spoken so honestly by other adoptees? Would it be so bad if your children when grown and have found the words to describe their thoughts and feelings for which they had no words for before, do speak honestly about their feelings either good or bad?
Would it shatter your world so completely to know you raised honest, thoughtful, ethical human beings that want to tell the next generation of adoptive parents what they felt and may still feel? Would you not be proud to know you raised your children to stand up and say when something needs changing?
Or would you rather be like the ostrich burying your head in the sand?
You have a choice – chose to listen, learn and support or chose to bury your head in the sand…two choices…one that is honest and can help change the future or one that will ensure others stay stuck in their never-never-land. Your choice – which will it be? Dig deeper and let those who have found their voice tell our story and be open – or chose to negate, dismiss and silence adoptees – your choice…
I love all the birds that come to backyard and feed at the feeders or take a peanut or two…all birds are welcome here. At least that was my motto – crows and ravens, bush tits and hummingbirds, black cap and mountain chickadees, sparrows and finches, stellar jays, downy woodpeckers, northern flickers and even the big classic woody woodpecker too…until today.
Early in the spring I found the perfect bird bath, simple just a ring of hammered aluminum with a screwtype clamp that allows me to attach it to my railing, with a plastic saucer insert just the right depth PLUS safe from cats on the prey. Perfect, it works like a charm attached to the railing outside my kitchen window. The birds appear to love it and its easy to keep clean…
Today is garbage day pickup…I went out this morning to check the bird bath and found bits of pork chop bones soaking in water. Not a big deal I took it inside to wash and looking out the window a crow is staring inside perched on the ring. I refilled the bath and put it back and then watched as birds came, drank and went, squirrels came, drank and went…just perfect. I just went out to check and other bits and pieces of who knows what had been left to ? wash ? soak ? can there be such a thing as a picky crow?
Life in my backyard world…right now I know its safe because big puppy is sunning himself on the porch…
Big puppy is inside and guess what…the crow is back and seriously he has food and is washing each piece before he eats it…OCD?
July 1st = Canada Day ~ July 4th = Independence Day for the US
It was noted on the news the difference in how each country severed or changed their ties to England. The US chose war and Canada followed the peaceful route seeking compromise, keeping the link instead of severing the link, just adjusting the rules and roles along the way. Of course, there are obvious differences between the two choices which include the time frame of seeking independence - the US 234 years ago as a fledging country much like a child trying to spread their wings and leave the nest, Canada only 143 years ago, perhaps more settled and secure. Each choice was made in different eras, different monarchs, opposite choices were made, different times – different countries, different people. Thinking it over each country seems to have followed the path they initially forged in the choice each made so long ago.
Last week the Queen toured Canada and crowds gathered every place she went for the chance to see The Queen, Our Queen. The Queen went to the US to address the UN and crowds gathered to see The Queen but not Their Queen anymore. Choices…
♦ ♦ ♦
As I wander the path of an adoptee and see the differences between what was and what still is, the similarities and differences remind me of the choices each country made so long ago. One choice the winner takes all the other choice is one of peace and compromise. Adoption seems to be this way today in many, many ways. The major players make choices on which game and rules they want to play and what process guides them along the way…but at the end of the day which choices they make, will follow them all days.
♦ Adoptive Parents/Birth Parents
♦ My Pain/Your Pain
♦ My Grief/Your Grief
♦ My Title/Your Title
What I see are different inherent differences in how each views the world and lives their life, war or peace, winners and losers, or winners both through compromise. They say you need to understand history to succeed in this world, I agree.
Edited to fix and add…
The last couple of days I have sat quietly outside trying to get pictures of the older baby Stellar Jays but they are proving elusive and stay in the shadows just far enough away to not get the great shots in the full light of day, those pictures that would really show off their beautiful hues of blue in their feathers and the downy fluff they have yet to lose.
The baby Stellar Jays each have a way of showing who they are…
Picky who tests each peanut until the perfect one is found. She picks one up and puts it down and then another and another as if to say ‘no - not this one’, ‘maybe this one’, ‘no -that one’, ‘this one’, ‘that one’ until finally she finds ‘the one’…
Gangly seldom lands on the railing with grace but rather skids to a stop toppling peanuts one by one or crashing into another baby Stellar Jay. Gangly also seems to have issues with take offs by the way…I hope one day he truly finds his wings.
Selfish chases the others away and first finds a small peanut and then a larger one too, before he flies away.
Grumpy flies in screaming at all the others as if to say ‘go away’ ‘go away’ and stalks back and forth with his feathers all fluffed, pacing back and forth pecking at those who dare to stay.
Silent tries so hard to lend her voice but from inside my kitchen I hear nothing, only see her try repeatedly to sing, opening and shutting her beak, I wonder what she is trying to say.
“Heroes”We watched the first season and then things happened and we simply set the PVR to record subsequent seasons. With our regular shows ended for the season and a less than brilliant spring and start to summer we dived in. I connect to this show in a way I have not known in the past and in part because of the storyline, but that is not the real reason, not really. This show touches a chord deep inside of my soul as an adoptee. I am different from bio’s. I have friends who are bio’s but I have always felt an instant connection to adoptees, some of them I end up liking a lot and some not so much – but they are my people, my kind. The good and the bad – I am are still an ‘adoptee’ – for better for worse – whatever choices I make – I am still an adoptee. I see a collective of unique individuals with different strengths and weaknesses but at the end of the day we are the same. I think we identify with each other on a deeper level of been-there-done-that and survived and continued on. I also feel we lead a different life than bio’s but still strive to fit in, be like them but at the end of the day we want to be accepted for who we are and what our individual truth is. How many adoptees do you know that refuse to label themselves as an adoptee?