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Daily Archives: July 27, 2010

The thing about adoption…

Once there is an adoption there are two families who are connected to one child…you can pretend to be the only mother or father but recognise it is only make-believe.
The adoptee will always have two sets of parents.  Pretending otherwise does an incredible disservice to the one who has no voice in the decision.
Accept that or don’t adopt or choose adoption – yes, it really is that basic.  Agree or walk away because you cannot change the reality of adoption.
 
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Posted by on July 27, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

Siblings you never knew about…

So I ended up in a conversation with someone who apparently has a sibling that was put up for adoption back in the 60’s…It seems weird to talk to someone on the other side of the fence so to speak.
The conversation goes like this…being leary of making contact because obviously there was a reason why the baby was given up for adoption…something wrong…some emotional instability…some good reason…
Nope, sorry to break that sterotype…you grew up after that era and when you were an adult who could recognise how society affects everything…society had changed from what it was back then.  I felt so old saying that and in reality I felt the same way until I educated myself but in reality, I only educated myself because I was part of adoption land…really it never would have occurred to me that society back in the 50’s or 60’s was really that much different because I grew up in the 60’s secure in my role as a child, protected from the realities of how adults treated each other.  How society dictated they treat each other and to be born on the wrong side of the sheets dictated that both mother and child became ghosts in society.  Shunned, dismissed, talked about but never talked to.  They were the subject of gossip, malicious, hateful, hurtful and utterly inhumane treatment.  Society still needs to pay for what they did to our mothers…and society doesn’t have the guts to admit their wrong doings and to publicly say WE WERE WRONG…
So, if you have a sibling that was put up for adoption back then…take some time and educate yourself what it was like during the era that happened.  Understand that it was the entire family that was stigmatized, sanctioned, shamed and there was no other choice to be made and MOST likely the sibling is just as normal as you are.
 
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Posted by on July 27, 2010 in Ethics

 

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