Monthly Archives: July 2010
So I ended up in a conversation with someone who apparently has a sibling that was put up for adoption back in the 60′s…It seems weird to talk to someone on the other side of the fence so to speak.
The conversation goes like this…being leary of making contact because obviously there was a reason why the baby was given up for adoption…something wrong…some emotional instability…some good reason…
Nope, sorry to break that sterotype…you grew up after that era and when you were an adult who could recognise how society affects everything…society had changed from what it was back then. I felt so old saying that and in reality I felt the same way until I educated myself but in reality, I only educated myself because I was part of adoption land…really it never would have occurred to me that society back in the 50′s or 60′s was really that much different because I grew up in the 60′s secure in my role as a child, protected from the realities of how adults treated each other. How society dictated they treat each other and to be born on the wrong side of the sheets dictated that both mother and child became ghosts in society. Shunned, dismissed, talked about but never talked to. They were the subject of gossip, malicious, hateful, hurtful and utterly inhumane treatment. Society still needs to pay for what they did to our mothers…and society doesn’t have the guts to admit their wrong doings and to publicly say WE WERE WRONG…
So, if you have a sibling that was put up for adoption back then…take some time and educate yourself what it was like during the era that happened. Understand that it was the entire family that was stigmatized, sanctioned, shamed and there was no other choice to be made and MOST likely the sibling is just as normal as you are.
What are the most important requirements to ensure an adoption is done both ethically and morally? Mandatories? Would be good? Top 10, 15, 20?
New Postive Adoption Language – Favorite new term: “Was Adopted” instead of the negative term “Am Adopted”
Lets see if that works…
Born “Baby Girl X….” = status illegitmate infant to unmarried female……(no “am” adopted status here)
Adopted – Name changed to “X…. X…. X….” = status legitimate infant daughter of adoptive parents X……(got to love that magical change from illegitimate to legitimate – poof – done deal – what a relief…but I ”am” adopted)
Childhood = status Adopted child of X / Adoptee……(seems like “am” adopted still fits)
Teenager = status Adopted child of X / Adoptee…….(“it” hasn’t gone away yet)
Young adult – Married – Name changed to X… X… X…” = status married / adoptee / adoptive child of X…….(I still “am” adopted)
Middle age adult – Divorced – No Name change (already have had 3) = status divorced / adoptee / adoptive child of X……(isn’t “it” supposed to be gone? perhaps if I had changed back to Name number 2? 1? oh right I don’t know name 1 because it is sealed in my adoption records which means I still ”am” adopted)
Middle age adult – Married – Name changed again (now 4 times) to X… X… X… = status married / adoptee / adoptive child of X……(nope still there and I changed my name again and I still “am” adopted)
Yeah – adoption is a one time event for sure…once it is done it is done and NEVER follows you through life – done deal – over – get on with life…okay then.
Status – just little old me where the only time in my life when I wasn’t the adoptee and child of my adoptive parents is BEFORE I was adopted which never seems to go away…great new Positive Adoption Language – wrap it up in pretty ribbon and bows and everyone will live happily ever after…uh huh…okay then…how is that supposed to work in real life? I know – just don’t get adopted…