Over the different stages of my life how I viewed being adopted - the pros vs. the cons have changed. The view I had as a child morphed into the view I had as a teenager. It drastically changed again as I grieved the death of my child.
It was changed forever when I faced a life threatening event. Once that happened the door to being able to petition the courts for my records for good cause opened. The granting of opening my records then led me to another loss. My mother had already died from the same life threatening event I had just experienced. My grandmother before her. I was the third generation and because of sealed records had no knowledge of what lay before me, that I too would follow the path that led to their deaths, but that I would narrowly escape and survive to live as a disabled person in the prime of my youth. Some days I wonder who was better off.
Experiencing the death of my child led me to more empathy for others and especially my mother and what she would have suffered during the years after my relinquishment. You never can close the door to the pain of loosing a child, it never leaves you no matter how much you try.
How close I came to my own death led me down the path of delving deeper into how adoption has been intertwined in each phase of my life from the yearnings, questions, self-esteem and rejection issues to the earth shattering realities of death and near death experiences.
Adoption as I know it, is simply an experiment gone terribly wrong that has done more harm than good. By now in this experiment it appears to have become so broken that only the greed is left and is the name of the game for those whose run the industry. Infertility and the absence of values in many want to be parents and already parents is so prominent that it has become all about finding a baby for a family at whatever cost. Human rights, dignity, and doing what is right be damned.
It is time to stop this madness, this adoption experiment, but I do not see it happening. The cycle will repeat it self over and over and the fall out for each generation will be the children. Like hamsters in cages running forever on their little wheels. No one listens to the pleas of the adoptees who have been there and done that. No, that would RUIN what they want, a child at any cost and of course PROFITS for those who run the industry.