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What it was like for an adoptee who searched while following the rules…

By TAO

I read a couple of the posts on the blog I linked to yesterday, posts that tell about searching following the rules laid out by the state, and then by the adoption agency.  Two posts that detail the timeline, run-around, pay-a-lot of money with zero guarantees because you have no rights as an adoptee, the endless wait, being put off, the emotions evoked knowing strangers have access to your information that you don’t have the right to see.  The toll on you from all the emotions felt in a search over so many years.  To be asked by many who know who they were born to be, why is this so important, and told, to just move on.  Unless you have done it, you can’t even begin to understand how wrong it is that adoptees in sealed states must do this, JUST to answer the age-old question of “Who AM I?”…

Go read these posts to get an inkling of what it is like.  Listen to the underlying emotions, frustrations, longing to just know…

The Search

The Search – pt 2

 

 

 
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Posted by on September 28, 2014 in Adoption

 

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Cycling to raise awareness of Adoptee Rights…

By TAO

A man is cycling from Vermont to Minnesota to finally meet his family.  I don’t know him, in fact, today is the first day I’ve ever heard of him.  His name is Tim Howard and he’s adopted. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on September 27, 2014 in Adoption

 

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That “rare” word again…

By TAO

Words can be used to exaggerate when you want to blow things out of proportion, or used to dismiss, or soothe, to minimize concern.  One of the favorite terms used to minimize is rare.  It makes the reader feel so much better to know something rarely happens vs. saying some, or sometimes happens.  People dismiss concerns when something rarely happens, you can almost hear someone exhale when they hear that term used.

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Posted by on September 23, 2014 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Why would an adoptive parent say this?

By TAO

If you are an adoptive parent, or want to adopt – please, please, stop telling adoptees they should be grateful they weren’t aborted, or the dance around the subject using words like she chose life.  Either statement can be equally damaging to a person’s ego, self-image, self-esteem.  It’s just plain mean-spirited to tell a child (or adult) they should be grateful they weren’t aborted, regardless of how you word it.  It doesn’t even matter what the mother intended (or didn’t intend to do), and I’d note that unless you were that child’s mother you have no clue, it’s presumptuous to assume that abortion was even a consideration.

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Posted by on September 20, 2014 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Asking for negative stories?

By TAO

Reading an adoption reunion story in Canada on the CBC News site.  I started reading the comments and it struck me how pleasant they all are, even the responses to comments they don’t agree with.  People commenting being civil.  Then I came to this comment and I started laughing…

“Please share some of the nightmare stories about reunions with long lost parents and children. We always hear about the happy ones and readers will sometimes write in to say that theirs was not so happy. I am sure there are a significant number of reunions which can turn nasty. However I doubt many of those would be willing to share details.”

It just struck me funny, a rallying cry for negative stories about adoption reunions.  Perhaps an insecure adoptive parent in a closed adoption?  A prospective adoptive parent?  One who uses search queries such as “positive adoption story” that leads them to this blog?  To me, the wording used in the comment does not sound like it is an adoptee speaking, if it was, the wording would be inclusive, instead of using words that speak of others in a group they aren’t part of.  Despite that rallying cry for negative adoption reunion stories, other commenters responded gently, and dare I say, politely?  Overall, it seemed most commenters felt that adult adoptees should have the right to know where they came from and that right trumped a parent by birth right to privacy.

Well done, more and more people are standing up for the rights of the adoptee to know where they came from.

N.L mom reunited with Alberta son she thought was dead

 

 
7 Comments

Posted by on September 16, 2014 in Adoption

 

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Adoptee Rights post…

By TAO

Right now there is legislation in PA and Pennsylvania Adoptee Rights is asking for your support and help today.  Please consider their request for action today.

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Posted by on September 15, 2014 in Adoption

 

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