What some adoptive parents think they know about what happens to the original birth certificate…


A question was asked on the Adoptive Families FB page on whether the adoptive parents had obtained their child’s original birth certificate before the adoption was finalized.  I have to say that while I think adoptive parents should get a copy, it also makes them less likely to recognise that their child, based on the state they were born in may not have the same right as all other citizens born there.  If they have their child’s OBC there is no incentive for some to stand up and say equality matters for all adoptees.  To me that’s a problem… Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on October 20, 2014 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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Good conversations happen in the comments…


One of the reasons I’ve kept this blog going is that I can see people start to understand a different view, not so much from the blog posts, but the comments and conversations by many different people.  I love the conversations that happen in the comments, whether they stay on topic, or wander completely away.  I struggle sometimes to write posts in a fully authentic voice, because I worry too much about whether it will be heard by those who can gain understanding, if they can only hear it.  So, I temper my words too much to make them softer, when I am a plain speaker at heart.  Comments though are different, it’s easier to talk one on one.  I was reading an old post and the comments it sparked, and thought I’d put a comment and response into a post to show that often the best part of this blog – is in the conversations that happen after.

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Posted by on October 16, 2014 in Adoption


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Adoption – you just can’t avoid it…


Far too many TV shows have an adoption theme, you can’t escape them as they come out of nowhere, and intrude into your space of “I’m just a regular person living my life like everyone else”.  Sunday night was no exception, we were watching Madame Secretary…(after the jump is a spoiler if you taped it to watch later)

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Posted by on October 14, 2014 in Adoption


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Open adoption seems to have many different definitions…


I want to get back to the subject of open adoption and how the definition appears to be changing.   I came back to this subject after reading a comment made on a blog post by a first mother from the closed era who runs a closed group on FB and a website where she helps mothers with an adoption plan (who she calls birthmothers before they have given birth).  I’m not linking to the blog post, but the author of the blog may do so in the comments if she chooses.  That definition of open adoption in the comments was updates via the internet until the child becomes an adult.  Updates to me – is not an open adoption.

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Posted by on October 7, 2014 in Adoption


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Are some adoptive parents too sensitive about questions, or….


Just a quick thought to mull on or discuss.  Are adoptive parents too sensitive to questions?  Whether it is the stranger at the mall, the neighbor, a friend, or relative.  I see so many discussions about the “rude” or “ignorant” or “insensitive” questions about adoption…

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Posted by on October 4, 2014 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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What it was like for an adoptee who searched while following the rules…


I read a couple of the posts on the blog I linked to yesterday, posts that tell about searching following the rules laid out by the state, and then by the adoption agency.  Two posts that detail the timeline, run-around, pay-a-lot of money with zero guarantees because you have no rights as an adoptee, the endless wait, being put off, the emotions evoked knowing strangers have access to your information that you don’t have the right to see.  The toll on you from all the emotions felt in a search over so many years.  To be asked by many who know who they were born to be, why is this so important, and told, to just move on.  Unless you have done it, you can’t even begin to understand how wrong it is that adoptees in sealed states must do this, JUST to answer the age-old question of “Who AM I?”…

Go read these posts to get an inkling of what it is like.  Listen to the underlying emotions, frustrations, longing to just know…

The Search

The Search – pt 2




Posted by on September 28, 2014 in Adoption


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